These past few years I have been anxious about what I will do with my life as an empty nester. I have three boys (AKA monsters); 26, 19 and 17. The 17-year-old will be a senior in the Fall. I have a year before my next life begins. Our lives are lived in periods of time, are they not? Let’s see…how many lives have I lived? There’s my childhood, college, marriage, divorced mom with monsters, and really soon I’ll be stepping into my empty nest period. And, of course, much has happened during and in between all my lives; good, bad and utterly hideous. My story would probably be a best seller. Who of us couldn’t write such a memoir? We are all living the human experience.
I did get a jump start on my empty nest season. I started riding horses one year ago. It is something I have always wanted to do. I have always longed to be in the company of horses. I was so afraid of them. Had no clue what their state of being was about. If they were aggressive and wild. But I always, always gazed at them in amazement and with longing. May 2021, I met an interesting man who struck up a conversation with me regarding my shoes. He thought they were riding boots. It led to a conversation about my love and fear of horses. He told me about a place an hour east of Los Angeles where I could ride. Two weeks later the two youngest monsters and I drove out in search of this place to ride. The boys were not interested but I had them come along anyway. I had wanted them to learn to ride years ago. There is a program in Compton, CA that offers riding lessons after school. I tried for a few years to get them in the program. Sadly, it never aligned with our schedule.
Anyway, I never found the place the man had referred me to, but I did meet the bad a** woman who is now my trainer (I will refer to her as BAM – Bad A** Momma because she is quite impressive). I couldn’t find the place the man told me about, so I parked my car, and we went on foot trying to find it. I saw BAM exercising a horse. I learned later that she was lunging the horse. I walked over and asked if she knew of the place I was looking for. She had not. I asked if she mind if I watched her (probably a strange question, but I was intrigued). She said she did not mind. She asked a question (I don’t remember what) that led to a conversation about what brought me there and my lifelong desire to become comfortable with and in the company of horses. She made me an offer I couldn’t refuse. She offered to take me on as a student worker meaning I would work around the barn and care for her horses in exchange for riding lessons (at that time, she had 7 horses). She asked me if I wanted to ride Western or English? Huh or huh? It was all foreign to me. She taught English so English riding I’d learn, particularly Dressage. I didn’t know what that was either (I looked it up when I got home). During that first meeting she gave me a list of things I would need to get started and told me about a consignment shop nearby where I could get most if not all the items. We stopped there on the way home, and I did indeed find a few items. Bought more stuff online.
I returned the very next weekend and she put me right to work. First thing I did was lunge a horse. I didn’t have a helmet yet so I couldn’t ride. When I did finally mount one of her horses you can imagine the excitement that overtook me.
-Come to think of it I did trail ride many years ago in Big Bear.
It has been a long, exciting, and frustrating year. The frustration comes from my impatience and the two horses I was able to ride becoming lame. Something was going on with them, so I was not able to ride them. And the others, I didn’t have the experience to ride them. I was without a ride. BAM told me it was time for me to buy a horse. Actually, even before they became lame, she said it was time for me to start thinking about buying a horse. I had not envisioned me buying a horse. I was just going to ride hers. I did not believe I could afford a horse. The thought of the monthly costs for a horse and possible vet bills made me nervous. She kept at it and finally I admitted the thought scared me. I didn’t think I could handle the costs. Eventually she said, “it’s time to sh*t or get off the pot.” She wanted me to be honest, was learning this sport something I wanted, or did I just want to joy ride? This is what I want. Then this is what needs to happen. I asked her, “if ever I cannot care for my horse will you take him?” She said yes, and that was all I needed to hear. I was ready to find my horse. It took many months searching website, making calls/texting going out to see horses in faraway places. I didn’t think I would ever find MY horse. But when a friend of BAM’s told her about a horse that would be good for me, I looked him up right away and I knew he was the one. I had not felt that way about any of the horses I had seen. The problem was the price. It was more than I was willing to pay. I was very sad. Then I think two days later BAM called and said his priced dropped by $2,000. I jumped on the site and wrote the seller asking more questions about the horse and arranging for him to be hauled to me. I paid $500 more than I had budgeted for a horse. I happily paid that money and my horse was on his way.
Finally, I am a horse owner! A dream comes true. I am still mesmerized by him two months later. I cannot believe how much I love this horse. Oh, his name is Run Forever, but his barn name is Boo. He’s what’s called an off the track thoroughbred (OTTB). Retired racehorse basically.
I will be 50 years old this week. After my divorce I focused on my boys. In a year I will finally allow myself to do more of what I want. One other thing I desperately want is to escape L.A. This is home but I am so over it. I want to leave CA. And I will. Just need to decide where I want to go. And I need more time with BAM for training. But knowing where I was headed next would bring me satisfaction. You know, having that to look forward to. My favorite place is in my head. So, I would love to know where I was headed next so I can start fantasizing about it.
Whoever’s reading this I hope you are encouraged to start going after what you want. What is it that you want? Who do you know that has what you want so that you may learn from them? Do you put yourself around people who have what you want? A close mouth doesn’t get fed. We’ve all heard that. People around me are dying. They are dying young for various reasons. This also motivates me to get busy doing what I want. What will you do with the time you have left?
Like Dr. Laura Schlessinger asks, “What do you want between now and dead?”
I hope you will dream outside of your comfort zone and be kind to yourself.
Peace, Roxi out!
#cantstopwontstop
#livingoutloud
#thisis50
